You took me back to the anguish a dear friend felt when she was ready to go and her partner was unwilling to let that be. The pain and heartache at parting can be excruciating.
Yes, exactly. And that is exactly what happened here, in real life. I have learned a lot about denial. I no longer confuse it with stubbornness. It's a profound psychological defense mechanism, and it's very common. Thank you for reading, Kim.
A friend of mine, who is also a former ICU nurse, has a saying: "There are worse things than dying." And I have to agree. Aggressive intervention can run the risk of increasing a person's misery and prolonging their suffering. This was especially true back in the 80's & 90's when I did my ICU nursing. At the time, visiting hours were only 10 minutes long, 4 times a day. And we made everything seem calm and tidy for those 10 minutes, which was an illusion so as not to stress the family. But, we are more honest now, and things have gotten better in so many ways. Loved ones have a much better understanding of the realities of "doing everything." This has made a trend toward hospice care beginning earlier, which can make the final weeks so much gentler and more comforting for a terminally ill person today. It made a huge difference for my dad.
Yes, Ann. And yet, if I’m not mistaken, the typical time spent in hospice care is still just a few days. I hope that’s changing. When death is near and inevitable, the peace and comfort of hospice care stand in striking and heartbreaking contrast with what happens when a dying person is incapacitated and loved ones want to “do everything.”
This could not have been written better. It wrenches my heart.
Thank you, Maureen.
Right on.
You took me back to the anguish a dear friend felt when she was ready to go and her partner was unwilling to let that be. The pain and heartache at parting can be excruciating.
Yes, exactly. And that is exactly what happened here, in real life. I have learned a lot about denial. I no longer confuse it with stubbornness. It's a profound psychological defense mechanism, and it's very common. Thank you for reading, Kim.
A friend of mine, who is also a former ICU nurse, has a saying: "There are worse things than dying." And I have to agree. Aggressive intervention can run the risk of increasing a person's misery and prolonging their suffering. This was especially true back in the 80's & 90's when I did my ICU nursing. At the time, visiting hours were only 10 minutes long, 4 times a day. And we made everything seem calm and tidy for those 10 minutes, which was an illusion so as not to stress the family. But, we are more honest now, and things have gotten better in so many ways. Loved ones have a much better understanding of the realities of "doing everything." This has made a trend toward hospice care beginning earlier, which can make the final weeks so much gentler and more comforting for a terminally ill person today. It made a huge difference for my dad.
Yes, Ann. And yet, if I’m not mistaken, the typical time spent in hospice care is still just a few days. I hope that’s changing. When death is near and inevitable, the peace and comfort of hospice care stand in striking and heartbreaking contrast with what happens when a dying person is incapacitated and loved ones want to “do everything.”
Yes, availability of a room is a limiting factor. But “in-home” hospice care is on the rise, thankfully.
What can I say? “Wracked with beauty and terror,” perhaps. My heart goes out to you, X. P.
Love to you, Mary.
I cannot "like this" but I can tell you how deeply it moved me. Thank you.
This is stunning. We did hospice for my dad and those few weeks were so sweet and peaceful.